Spencer's thought chunks

My Thoughts on everything this week. The Summer Olympics happened. I think it’s just my shitty attitude, but don’t remember every giving a shit about the Olympics. I remember the first time I was informed there was such a thing as the Olympics. I had friends as a child to set time aside to watch, like, track and field or roller disco (it was the 70’s). And I remember thinking, “This is not my thing.” And I was right. I just am not into it. I’m sorry. However, we have to pretended we give a shit or people will feel bad or think we are in Al Qaeda. There for it’s best to try and give a shit or at least create the illusion of shit giving. If I had a water cooler to stand around, here are the things I would say to my coworkers so they wouldn’t know that I am a bad person who could not give less of a shit about water polo, Dressage….I kind do like Archery, ok. Anyway, this should get you through the week and then we can go back to living our lives. 1. “18 gold medals, can you believe it.” And then depending upon who you’re talking to “I bet it’s the bong hits, right?” 2. “Was getting my oil changed and they had the thing where there’s a bunch of dudes in pool with a volley ball and a soccer net. They didn’t have volume up so you couldn’t hear them yell “marco” or “pollo”, what’s up with that? 3. “Man, you gotta be pretty lousy as a person to throw a badminton match. That’s not how the great badmintoner’s through out the history of that great sport roll. Makes me sick.” And then depending on whom you’re talking to “It’s because they’re Chinese.” 4. “Yeah, what’s up with that.” This a response to the time lapse issues that NBC had to deal with in trying to broadcast the event at times when American’s would be able to watch.

No one was videotaped at the Laugh Factory saying anything horrible this week. Drag. We don’t video tape anymore. There is no longer tape involved. We just video. Sorry.

The Guy From Chick Fil A said that gay people getting married is in defiance of God. And then some people got mad and then some other people bought a bunch of sandwiches. In a related story, Carl’s Jr. has come out with the new “God will punish you for your abortion” crispy delight burger, hoping that a similar kerfuffle will ensue. If they are successful keep your eyes out for the WhattaBurger “The Earth is Flat and god made it in 6 day’s” Combo meals.    

The Mar’s Rover lands tomorrow. We’re going to learn things about Mar’s that we never knew before. Like who did Mar’s have a crush on in High School. Is Mar’s Red Because of Spray tan? Is Mars really into Venus or is it just leading Venus on to make Uranus jealous.

This week Mitt Romney visited London for the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics. When asked how he felt about things he said

“You know, it’s hard to know just how well it will turn out. There are a few things that were disconcerting. The stories about the private security firm not having enough people, the supposed strike of the immigration and customs officials … that obviously is not something which is encouraging.”

So basically what Mitt is saying is, as the leader of the free world, if The Queen of England asked Mitt Romney how she looked in this skort, Mitt would say

“Fat. Fat as shit. If your ass had tree’s on it, they would be the right height, but they would also be fat as shit.”

In other British News, and American teen was teased for looking British, so they cut up her face. Actually, kids called her “Dumbo” because she had kind of big ears so, with the help of Parents and other adults Nadia was given plastic surgery so kids wouldn’t call her Dumbo. Now they will call her “Joan Rivers”. Nadia is a normal looking 14 year old kid who happens to be in jr high where kids of all genders and at all social strata tend to say stupid, mean, horrible things to each other. So naturally, instead of doing any number of non crazy things, a non-profit organization (run by full grown adults mind you, not some group of 14 year old plastic surgeons) Called the Angle Face Foundation, stepped in and surgically altered the face of a 14 year old child. Apparently the Angle Face Foundation is a group dedicated to helping the normal looking kids look like dickish androids. you know, like ya do. I bet there are some truly ugly people out there that are just ready to spit. The bottom line is, this is an important life lesson for Nadia and for children everywhere. If someone says something shitty to you, bend over backwards to change yourself to become something that they will approve of. Then you will be truly happy. Thank god CNN was there to make this seem acceptable. Dane Cook broke the Aurora shooting joke cherry. I don’t think people are even that pissed. I feel like our cycle of outrage at things comics at the Laugh Factory say has gotten a little watered down. It might be too soon. And Dane might not be the guy to do it. I think the first Aurora shooting joke should come from a kid that works at the theatre. “Ok, so gummy bears and a large soda, if you buy a small pop corn with that, you get a free flack jacket.” I am sort of offended that he didn’t like Dark Knight Rises.