Spencer's thought chunks

push the button.mpg (by Spencer Dobson)

Dear Optimist

1.       Is it? is it on your Ipad? Really? You’ve got the recipe for corn bread stuffing on your ipad ….2 is it? Why don’t you eat a box of go fuck yourself.

2.       You’re adults who have formed opinions on the Kardashions. That’s awesome.

3.       I’m sorry you wrote a bunch of preemptive fan fiction for the now cancelled “The Playboy Club”. Sometimes life doesn’t work out.

4.       Why wouldn’t we want to watch a 45 minute power point of you and your friends planking.

5.        Gluten? I’ll Gluten you, you son of a bitch, Shut up and eat.

6.       Angry Birds? Have I ever heard of Angry Birds? Is that a kind of pogs you ass hat?

7.       Have you ever, even one time, had a thought that you did hear from tv, one time? Once? Just one thing.

8.       Your baby didn’t say “Daddy” he said “blerpffff” So shut up about it.

9.        You made instant stuffing in a $300 baking pan. That’s impressive stuff.

10.   This electoral session is an exercise in bad theater and the limits of gullibility. But please, let’s pretend this isn’t bullshit and really get heated about weather Perry is more or less likely to not be the next president than Cain. And For the love of God somebody, stick up for Bachman.

I feel like sometimes the news is giving me in formation that will encourage me to commit crimes. After watching this I now realize that Card Counting is amazingly profitable and not all that hard. It’s possible they give me this information so I will go out and commit the crime and then they can cover it on Good Morning America. Tricky.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/caught-tape-card-sharks-cheat-casino-14962814

And Good Morning America is right, it did work in the Hangover. If it worked in the Hangover, it has to work in real life. That’s how the world functions. It’s just like how if you are being attacked by cars that turn into Robots all you have to do is make friends with cars that turn into Robots that happen to be on your side, almost inexplicably on your side. Why would the Robots give a crap about us? Seriously, if the cars turn into Robots, hide and wait from the to run out of gas.

Ok, to recap, stealing from casino’s is easy, just stop at around 6.9 million, The Hang Over is source material and If you are attacked by cars that turn into robots, find their robot enemies and befriend them. Maybe start by asking them if they would like to go to Joes Crab Shack. If the Cars/Robots like people, they will probably like crab and watching the wait staff do the electric shuffle.

(via wheelsonabucket)

If you hate child abuse, change your profile picture to a cartoon character and that will send a message that people don’t like child abuse.

First off, it takes a lot of guts to take a stand against something that everyone already hates. So thank you for dragging us kicking and screaming into a new awareness of the reality of the world around us. “Child abuse is…bad? Are you sure? I’m going to google that real quick, just hang for a second until I get my facts straight.”  

Campaigns like this always seem to me to be more about the person who starts them, then cause itself. I feel like somewhere someone is giving themselves a solid pat on the back and thinking: “I got every person on facebook to change their profile picture to a cartoon. Suck on that ex-girl friend who said I’d never make stuff happen.”

“And how did that affect the problem of child abuse?”

“That’s harder to measure, but I’m pretty sure we solved it.”   

You don’t get an “I voted” Sticker until you vote.  This is all the fun of vanity without any of the pay off of action. Campaigns like this let everybody go “Hey look at me! Look at what I did, I am now associated with a classic cartoon character and I’m raising awareness about field abuse!” (that’s not a typo)

I don’t think this will actually start a dialogue about child abuse. This will start a dialogue about Scooby Doo.

I don’t know how to end child abuse. We will probably never actually end child abuse. It’s an ugly part of the human condition. However, I do think this is a real issue that needs real discussion. And I think abusive parents can learn better skills and better ways to deal with life in general and their children specifically. Also I have to admit I wouldn’t be writing this if some person, somewhere hadn’t gone, ‘let’s get everybody to change their profile picture to a cartoon!’” So there is that. Damn you the power of the meme.

So Cartoon face, should one actually do? What is a step people can take to help in the fight against child abuse? I have a word for awareness that’s not coupled with action. It’s “Ulcer”. That’s not an anagram. When I know something horrible is happening and I can’t do anything about it, it tends to make my stomach hurt. “Every body, everybody, I just want to take a second to remind you that life is unjust and the smallest and weakest among us often suffer the most..But there is something you can do”

“Oh, thank God. Do you want us to raise money to help child services?”

“No. I want you find the cutest cartoon character you can think of….and make that character your facebook picture.”

“Does anybody have a zantac?”

Bah-deep –bah-deep – bah-deep   That’s All Folks!